How to Write a Letter of Wishes: A Guide to Legacy Planning

A letter of wishes is not a will, but it's almost as important. While a will distributes your assets, a letter of wishes communicates your values, your hopes, and your deeply personal instructions. It explains the "why" behind your decisions. It offers guidance about everything from funeral preferences to parenting decisions to explanations of family heirlooms. It's where you can be honest, vulnerable, and clear about what matters to you and what you want to matter to your family.

What Is a Letter of Wishes?

A letter of wishes is a supplementary document to your will or estate plan. It's legally not binding (though some jurisdictions recognize certain provisions), but it's incredibly important emotionally and practically. It's where you communicate the personal side of your legacy. While a will says "I leave my house to my daughter," a letter of wishes says "I'm leaving my house to my daughter because I hope she'll raise her family there, in the way I raised mine."

What to Include

Start with practical wishes. Include your funeral preferences. Do you want a big celebration or a quiet gathering? Do you want to be buried or cremated? What music matters to you? What should people wear? What should they say about you? These details matter because they ensure your funeral reflects your life and values, not just what other people think is appropriate.

Write about guardianship if you have minor children. While your legal will specifies who gets custody, your letter of wishes explains why. Write about your values as a parent and what you hope your children's guardians will emphasize. Write directly to your children if possible.

Include personal messages. Write to each person in your life and what you want them to know. Write about your relationship with them. Write about memories you shared. Write about hopes you have for them. This is where you can be deeply personal in ways that a will cannot accommodate.

Explain Your Decisions

If you're leaving something to one person and not another, explain why. This doesn't justify inequality—it just prevents misunderstanding and hurt. "I'm leaving my jewelry to my daughter because she's always admired it, and I hope it brings her joy. My son, I've already bought you a car, and your brother never wants material things."

If you've made difficult choices—not leaving something to someone, or explaining a strained relationship—your letter of wishes is where you can address this directly. It won't make the hurt disappear, but it provides context and prevents family conflict.

Share Your Values and Life Lessons

Use your letter of wishes to articulate what you believe in. "I've always believed that family is more important than money. Please don't let fighting over the estate damage your relationships. Please choose each other." Write about the lessons you've learned through life. Write about your regrets and what you've learned from them. Write about what brings you joy and hope that brings your family joy too.

"I want my death to bring you closer, not push you apart. If there are things you disagree about, talk to each other. Remember that I loved you all equally, even if I made mistakes in showing it. Choose kindness. Choose family. - With love, Dad"

Address Specific Scenarios

Write about situations that might come up. What should happen to your business? What about your social media accounts? Who should tell people you've died, and how should they tell them? What do you want done with your personal effects? Should your family keep your home or sell it? These might seem like practical questions, but they're deeply personal. Your wishes matter.

Write to Your Beneficiaries

Your letter of wishes is an opportunity to write directly to the people you're leaving things to. "I'm leaving you my watch because it's the one I wore every day of your childhood. I hope it reminds you that I was always counting the moments with you." Personal messages transform an inheritance from a transaction into a connection.

Storage and Access

Your letter of wishes needs to be stored safely but be accessible when needed. Don't lock it in a safety deposit box that your family doesn't know about. Let people know where it is. Tell your executor, your lawyer, your family. Or use a service like Dear Forward that allows you to specify when your letter should be delivered and to whom.

It's Never Too Early

You don't need to be elderly or ill to write a letter of wishes. Write it now. Your values won't change dramatically. If they do, you can update it. Having a letter of wishes gives you peace of mind and your family clarity about what matters to you.

Your wishes matter. Your values matter. Your explanations matter. Write your letter of wishes now and ensure your family knows what you want them to know. Start at Dear Forward's letter creation page and create a legacy of clarity and love for the people you care about most.