How to Write a Letter to Your Child: A Step-by-Step Guide

Writing a letter to your child might feel daunting. What do you even say? How do you capture everything you feel into words on a page? The answer is simpler than you think: you write what matters to you, in your own voice, without overthinking it. Letters to your child don't need to be perfect. They need to be genuine. This guide will walk you through the process, whether your child is a toddler, a teenager, or an adult.

Letters for Toddlers and Young Children

When writing to a young child, think about the future. You're writing to a person they will become. Keep sentences simple and stories vivid. Describe a memory from when they were small—the way they laughed, something they said, a moment you felt overwhelmed with love. Use simple language because you're writing to a version of your child who will eventually read this, and you want them to be able to understand your voice.

Talk about the present in a way that will matter to them later. "Right now you're two and you love dinosaurs. You roar at everything. I hope you always have this kind of joy and imagination." Create a snapshot of who they are, so they can see themselves through your eyes when they're older.

Letters for Teenagers

Teenagers are sensitive to condescension. Don't talk down to them. Talk to them like the almost-adults they're becoming. Write about the challenges you see them facing—peer pressure, identity, fitting in. Offer advice without being preachy. Share your own struggles. Tell them about a time you felt like they feel now. Help them understand they're not alone.

Be honest about their flaws if it serves them. "I see you struggling with anger, and I see how hard you're trying to manage it. That's growth. Be patient with yourself." This kind of honest reflection is more valuable to a teenager than unconditional praise.

Letters for Adult Children

When writing to an adult child, speak to them as a peer, even if you're their parent. Write about your relationship as adults. Write about things you admire in them as an adult. Write about things you've learned from them. Reflect on how they've changed you.

This is the space to say things you might not say face to face. "I'm proud of you" might feel awkward in conversation, but in a letter it lands differently. "I was wrong about that," or "I'm sorry I didn't support you then" can be said more clearly in writing.

What to Include at Every Stage

Open with warmth. Address them by name or a pet name. Use the first line to create connection. Then move into your main thought. What do you most want them to know? Write that. Support it with a specific memory or story. Memories are what stick. Then write about the future—your hopes for them, your belief in them, what you want them to remember about now.

End by returning to the warmth you started with. Remind them you love them. Sign your name. Use handwriting if you can—it adds an intimacy that typed letters sometimes lack.

Tone and Voice

Write like you talk. If you're funny, be funny. If you're serious, be serious. If you're a mix of both, let that show. The worst thing you can do is pretend to be someone you're not. Your child wants to hear from their parent, not from some version of a parent they've imagined.

Don't overthink it. The letter doesn't need to be profound. It needs to be yours. A letter that's a little messy and full of personality is more valuable than one that's polished but doesn't sound like you.

"I'm writing this because you deserve to know what I think about you when I'm not trying to be a parent—just being myself, thinking about you. You've always been one of my favorite people. Not just because you're my kid, but because of who you are. You make me want to be better. - Mom"

Don't Overthink It

Parents often get stuck wanting to say everything—all the wisdom, all the stories, all the love. You can't fit a lifetime into one letter. That's why you write multiple letters. Write one now. Write another next year. Write one when they're struggling. Write one on their birthday. Over time, the letters become a collection of who you were to your child at different moments.

Getting Started

Sit down with pen and paper or your keyboard. Write your child's name at the top. Take a breath. Write the first thing that comes to mind. Don't plan it. Don't outline it. Just write. You can edit later, but the first draft should be pure thought and feeling.

Your child needs these letters more than you realize. They need to know how you see them, how you love them, what you believe about them. Start writing today. Create your letter at Dear Forward's letter creation page and begin leaving your words for the people who matter most.