When you imagine telling your children the things that matter most—the lessons learned through years of living, the values that define your family, the love that guides everything—what would you say? Many parents struggle with this question throughout their lives, waiting for the right moment that never quite comes. The truth is, there is no "right moment." There's only now, and the power of your words to shape how your children understand themselves, their place in the world, and the legacy they inherit from you. A letter becomes that bridge between intention and action, between what's in your heart and what your children will carry forward.
What are the most important things your children need to hear from you?
The things you want your children to know exist in layers. The outer layer is often the advice—practical wisdom gathered from your own mistakes and successes. But underneath that lies something deeper: the values that have sustained you, the principles that guided your decisions, and the reasons why you made the choices you did. Even deeper still is the layer of love itself—not just the fact that you love them, but the specific ways you see them, what makes them special to you, and who you believe they can become.
Research from the Journal of Family Psychology suggests that children who receive written expressions of parental love and guidance experience stronger emotional resilience and clearer sense of identity as they navigate adolescence and adulthood. A letter from a parent isn't just words on a page—it becomes a touchstone they return to during difficult moments, a voice they can hear when they need reassurance most.
What life lessons belong in your letter to your children?
Life lessons take many forms. Some are about resilience—the stories of times you fell and got back up, moments when things didn't go as planned but taught you something invaluable. Others are about integrity, kindness, curiosity, or standing up for what's right even when it's difficult. Include the lessons you wish you'd learned earlier, not with regret, but with the wisdom that comes from knowing how understanding them earlier might have changed your path.
Consider what you want them to know about handling failure. About choosing friends. About work and purpose. About money. About love and relationships. About their own worth when the world tries to diminish it. The most powerful letters don't sound like lectures—they sound like you sitting across from someone you care about deeply, speaking from experience with warmth and honesty.
How do you capture your family story and values?
Your family has a story that exists nowhere else but in your memory and voice. It includes the sacrifices made for the next generation, the traditions that anchor you, the moments of connection that defined your family culture. Your children deserve to know where they come from—not just genetically, but spiritually and culturally. What values run through your family like a thread? What do you want them to carry forward?
Include the stories behind your values. Why does your family prioritize honesty? Is there a moment in your history when truth mattered more than convenience? What makes your family unique? What would you want future generations to know about who you are and what mattered to you? These aren't grandiose stories—they're the everyday narratives that shape identity.
What practical wisdom will serve them in adulthood?
Practical wisdom is different from life lessons, though the two often intertwine. It's the specific guidance about how to navigate the adult world. How to handle conflict. How to take care of themselves physically and emotionally. How to make decisions when you're not there to guide them. How to know which voices to listen to and which to tune out.
This might include practical advice about education, career choices, or handling money. It might be about how you wish you'd spent your time differently, or what brought you genuine fulfillment. It might be about seeking help when you need it, or trusting your instincts when you feel doubt. The goal isn't to create a roadmap they must follow, but to offer the benefit of your experience so they can make their own choices more wisely.
How do you express the love and admiration you feel?
Perhaps the most important part of your letter is the explicit expression of your love and the specific ways you see them. Not generic statements, but real, concrete observations. What are you proud of? What do you admire about their character? Where do you see their potential? What brings you joy about them?
Children often don't know what they mean to their parents—not deep down where it counts. They may hear "I love you," but do they know that you see their kindness? That you notice when they stand up for someone who's being left out? That you believe in them even when they doubt themselves? A letter gives you space to say all of this without the awkwardness that sometimes comes with face-to-face vulnerability.
What prompts can help you start writing?
Sometimes the hardest part is simply beginning. Use prompts to unlock what's in your heart. Write about a moment you were proud to be their parent. Complete the sentence: "I want you to know that..." ten times. Write about what you hope for them. Share a mistake you made and what it taught you. Describe what the world needs from them. Write about the person you hope they become, and why you believe they can get there.
You might write about traditions you hope they'll continue. About the places that matter to you and why. About the people who've shaped you. About the dreams you have for their future. About the specific ways they've made you a better person. These prompts aren't meant to constrain your writing—they're meant to open doors you might not have thought to walk through.
Should you write multiple letters for different life stages?
Many parents find it meaningful to write more than one letter—perhaps one for their child's eighteenth birthday, another for when they face major life decisions, another for when they become a parent themselves. You might write a letter to be opened during difficult times, another to be opened when they're celebrating success, and another simply to be read whenever they need to feel close to you.
The beauty of writing letters over time is that it becomes an ongoing conversation with the future. You're not trying to say everything in one moment—you're building a relationship across time. Your perspectives may evolve, your understanding of what matters may deepen. Each letter adds another layer to the guidance you're passing forward.
Why now is the right time to write
Parents often wait for the perfect moment, thinking they'll write when they have more time, or when they've figured out exactly what to say. But perfection isn't the goal—authenticity is. Your children need your voice, your perspective, your wisdom, exactly as it exists today. Life is unpredictable. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. What matters is capturing your heart while it's full of things you want them to know.
Services like Dear Forward make this possible. You can write your letter now and arrange for it to be delivered at exactly the right moment—on a birthday, after you're gone, or whenever you think they need to hear from you most. Your words are preserved on archival paper, stored safely, and delivered with care. The things you want your children to know deserve this permanence. They deserve to last.
Start writing today. Your children are waiting to hear from you.